The moments in our lives when we are transitioning between two stages of life - these are what many call "threshold moments." Threshold moments can be occasions for celebration, and they can be occasions for grief. Births and deaths, weddings and divorces, baptisms, graduations, diagnoses - such moments transform our identities and worldviews.
I had the unequalled honor of marrying my brother and his fiancee this past weekend. It was my first wedding and it was a beautiful ceremony in every way. For my brother and his new bride, their wedding was a a threshold moment. No longer are they two, but one. Their identities have changed with the new nature of their relationship. Now, they are a husband and a wife. The identity-shifts apply to family members too. We are all now in-laws. From this point on, every decision my brother makes, must (ideally) be made in cooperation with his new wife; their decisions will affect one another in new ways.
Threshold moments reveal an interesting phenomenon that, in my opinion, is ubiquitous among our entire species. Much in my experience has left me wondering if it is human nature for us to be such selfish beings. There are even scientists who postulate that selfishness is the modus operandi of our very DNA (e.g. Richard Dawkins, The Selfish Gene). And yet, our unequaled ability to empathize and sympathize, especially in threshold moments, gives me hope. We have the ability, perhaps uniquely among all other lifeforms, to resist our nature. Pay attention to the atmosphere at weddings and funerals, or at confirmations and deathbeds. People are gathered to express support for the persons in focus. We gather around those we love, those who have meant something to us.
We let them know that we are their legacy. I'm reminded of the movie, Mr. Holland's Opus, in which Mr. Holland, a band teacher of several decades, is honored when he is forced to retire - he is forced into a threshold moment. Throughout his career, Mr. Holland had been working on an opus, Latin for "work", which he never finished. But, in attendance at his honoring are his former students of various generations, his family, his colleagues, etc. One of his former students, who happens to be , reminds Mr. Holland that they - his students and his teaching - have always been his greatest opus.
My prayer is that we can envelop each other in compassion, and fight our selfish nature. What a world that would be!
Threshold moments are quite powerful and opportunities to show support for important people in our lives. Your brother's wedding was a great time to celebrate the future possibilities of a new life together. I went to a funeral for the sister of one of my football players. Our team and a so many people from the community came together at the black church for a "Going Home" service. While the viewing period was somber and tearful, the actual funeral unleashed a celebration of this young girl's life and the power of God. Everyone stood and clapped to provide support for a family struggling to move on after the tragic car accident. The music was joyful and the dancing was emotional (the girl was a dancer), but the entire service was uplifting and inspiring.
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